Post by engelbert on Feb 25, 2008 22:33:30 GMT
I speak, of course, of the kind that post utter -tripe- like this:
Now... It starts off alright doesn't it. Lovely first sentence, setting the scene.. then... it just goes downhill. It replaces good logical description with... what? Idiocy and lack of actual description.
Hold on girly girl. Who the heck is Physique when you name your character Tatum later in the post?
Just ligaments? Not her... how could someone of my obvious lack of intelligence put it... oh yes... legs.
Was use of the word 'cranium' really necessary?
Again... *sigh*
She does realise what 'carcass' actually means doesn't she? Why not use the word corpse or cadaver... go full out and say 'walking dead' while she's at it.
OPTICALS?
Also, might i add that there is no description other than she apparently has 'opticals'... so she can see... somehow... possibly not with eyes. She's wearing a hoodie though... Unless she's simply carrying a child's corpse that's wrapped in a hoodie. And apparently she doesn't drink and drive.
Helpful eh?
A sharp hiss rang through the midnight atmosphere, calling to everyone that a drunken driver had just spun out of control. Physique stood just at the end of the street, rounding the corner and watching as a few passer's stopped to see what was happening. Typical. The town was full of drunks. But Tatum couldn't be a hypocrite, now could she? Eh, at least she wasn't stupid enough to drive when she was tipsy. Blades hovered over the ground with her deep slouch, not a habit just something she did when she felt oddly exposed; as she did now. Ligaments kept their pace, slow but steady, carrying the lass further on. Cranium tilted to either side, double checking that there wasn't another reckless driver racing along. Quickly, mass diverted away from the sidewalk, picking up a light jog as she moved atop the pavement. Cutting across the road, she slowed back down when she made it to the other side. Gaze drifted past the park's gates, searching between the metal columns for any movement. Seeing none, she made a sharp turn through the entrance, taking the small trail that led further back. Winds began to pick up, hinting at a chinook, and shoved around the girl's small torso. She hugged her hoodie tighter around the slender carcass, digits falling promptly into her pockets. Cutting across the grass twins fell to the ground, watching her every step. She fingered the cigarette carefully hidden in her pocket, opticals darting upright just in time to spot a rotting bench. Mass shifted slightly, heading in the general direction. Once at her destination, mass sat on what seat it provided. Anatomy leaned back, the splitting wood pushing against her spine.
Now... It starts off alright doesn't it. Lovely first sentence, setting the scene.. then... it just goes downhill. It replaces good logical description with... what? Idiocy and lack of actual description.
Physique stood just at the end of the street
Hold on girly girl. Who the heck is Physique when you name your character Tatum later in the post?
Ligaments kept their pace
Just ligaments? Not her... how could someone of my obvious lack of intelligence put it... oh yes... legs.
Cranium tilted to either side
Was use of the word 'cranium' really necessary?
Anatomy leaned back
Again... *sigh*
She hugged her hoodie tighter around the slender carcass
She does realise what 'carcass' actually means doesn't she? Why not use the word corpse or cadaver... go full out and say 'walking dead' while she's at it.
opticals darting upright just in time to spot a rotting bench
OPTICALS?
Also, might i add that there is no description other than she apparently has 'opticals'... so she can see... somehow... possibly not with eyes. She's wearing a hoodie though... Unless she's simply carrying a child's corpse that's wrapped in a hoodie. And apparently she doesn't drink and drive.
Helpful eh?
